actually the rain have not stop falling from this morning till now. hehehe sometimes it makes me things.. Are its coincident or its the symbolic of my feeling right now. Look okay in the outside but totally bleeding and crushing in the inside..hehehe..i can fool others people but i cannot full about my feeling.
Last night, i cannot sleep at all. i try to closed my eyes but my mind..still thinking.. still flashback the old days..hehe..its been a really long nite. i try to find the best solution for my problem, but it all come to blank road. My head keep asking the same question. Why?why and why? why i deserve this things.. i never means bad things to her. It was unfair to me.the day before,when she said that she wanna be alone and give an unexpected reasons, my head just wanna to explode. Without thinking i just pack my cloth and went to see muriroh, my cousin. I borrow his car and start to drive to KL. But just once i past the kmph(a matriculation college situated at old road to KL), my minds come to thinks others things. Maybe she really have problem, maybe she really need to be alone. I stop the at side of the road. Calm my self. try to make sure. Am i doing the right things. Am ready to sacrifice my future by not going to the DFA test tomorrow, by searching an answer that i not really know that i will get. What i gonna said to her, when i seeing him? Am i gonna scold him? not, that not my style, i never treat women that rude.Do i know the road to her house? its this best way? i scream myself out.
then finally, i decide to turn around, try to give her some room.So i back grumbling around.back at my places, back to fight my own feeling..Arr..
But luckily i got many of good friends. They noticed me that i not really ok. They said that i just look likes someones that gonna do somethings stupids. someones that gonna kill someones. I really surprises when they said likes that. Than i realize, that i just to desperate, just follow my own feeling. So i decides to takes some wudhuk and then do the "solat sunat". It help a bit.it help me to reduces my temped.
Actually, from my young ages, i have bad temped problem. Its such a rebellious attitude. and i hate it. Cause of that attitude, i make many mistakes. Cause of that attitude, i nearly loses my future. Cause of that attitude, i never be the favorite student while in school. But that attitude just likes went away when i just reach the ages of 20, i start to thinks first before i do somethings, i start to closer my self to religions. I uses ask my mother, why i have that attitude? am i a bad person?
Calm she explain to me, " dah, dah bukan budak jahat, bukan budak xberdispilin, tp dah tlalu mengikut darah muda, dah. cuba la kawal. Cuba tenangkan diri dalam semua pekara". Then i realize others things. It have been in my bloodlines. I am the 4th generation of the warrior of daik people called wan komeng, whose have be famous with his bravery and his power. I got an ancestor that uses to kill hundred of people during war of kesultanan johor. I got an ancestor that have been kill by his enemy during a fight. A fight for claims who the powerful in the village. So, are the bad temped things flow into the bloodlines? Maybe.But it not an options for me for not reduce it. Alhamdulillah, it been a long times i didn't makes anythings stupids. Untill that day and luckily i realize it before too late.
hahaha.. actually i don't why, my hand just keep typing. i didn't follow the story. i try to tell everything, but keep hurting me back at the end. So, its ok if i just mixed story while i blogging. It help me release my stress..
the stress that been hunting me for a few day. that has make my life miserable.
p/s: my minds cannot stop thinking about her. is she ok? is she sick? is she ok right now? i thinks i still in love with her..
Last night, i cannot sleep at all. i try to closed my eyes but my mind..still thinking.. still flashback the old days..hehe..its been a really long nite. i try to find the best solution for my problem, but it all come to blank road. My head keep asking the same question. Why?why and why? why i deserve this things.. i never means bad things to her. It was unfair to me.the day before,when she said that she wanna be alone and give an unexpected reasons, my head just wanna to explode. Without thinking i just pack my cloth and went to see muriroh, my cousin. I borrow his car and start to drive to KL. But just once i past the kmph(a matriculation college situated at old road to KL), my minds come to thinks others things. Maybe she really have problem, maybe she really need to be alone. I stop the at side of the road. Calm my self. try to make sure. Am i doing the right things. Am ready to sacrifice my future by not going to the DFA test tomorrow, by searching an answer that i not really know that i will get. What i gonna said to her, when i seeing him? Am i gonna scold him? not, that not my style, i never treat women that rude.Do i know the road to her house? its this best way? i scream myself out.
then finally, i decide to turn around, try to give her some room.So i back grumbling around.back at my places, back to fight my own feeling..Arr..
But luckily i got many of good friends. They noticed me that i not really ok. They said that i just look likes someones that gonna do somethings stupids. someones that gonna kill someones. I really surprises when they said likes that. Than i realize, that i just to desperate, just follow my own feeling. So i decides to takes some wudhuk and then do the "solat sunat". It help a bit.it help me to reduces my temped.
Actually, from my young ages, i have bad temped problem. Its such a rebellious attitude. and i hate it. Cause of that attitude, i make many mistakes. Cause of that attitude, i nearly loses my future. Cause of that attitude, i never be the favorite student while in school. But that attitude just likes went away when i just reach the ages of 20, i start to thinks first before i do somethings, i start to closer my self to religions. I uses ask my mother, why i have that attitude? am i a bad person?
Calm she explain to me, " dah, dah bukan budak jahat, bukan budak xberdispilin, tp dah tlalu mengikut darah muda, dah. cuba la kawal. Cuba tenangkan diri dalam semua pekara". Then i realize others things. It have been in my bloodlines. I am the 4th generation of the warrior of daik people called wan komeng, whose have be famous with his bravery and his power. I got an ancestor that uses to kill hundred of people during war of kesultanan johor. I got an ancestor that have been kill by his enemy during a fight. A fight for claims who the powerful in the village. So, are the bad temped things flow into the bloodlines? Maybe.But it not an options for me for not reduce it. Alhamdulillah, it been a long times i didn't makes anythings stupids. Untill that day and luckily i realize it before too late.
hahaha.. actually i don't why, my hand just keep typing. i didn't follow the story. i try to tell everything, but keep hurting me back at the end. So, its ok if i just mixed story while i blogging. It help me release my stress..
the stress that been hunting me for a few day. that has make my life miserable.
p/s: my minds cannot stop thinking about her. is she ok? is she sick? is she ok right now? i thinks i still in love with her..
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