xseyhat 1

YaAllah..besarnye dugaan ko..

Actually aku baru je balik dari KL. Ade keje skit yg perlu aku selesaikan. Aku pg sana ari pada ari kamis selepas mendapat pangilan dari DENSO SDN BHD yg menyatakan yg diorg mahu berjupe aku.
Tanpa memlengahkn mase aku trus pergi mancari tiket. Pada malam pertama, aku tdor di bandar tasik selatan. Umah wak leng. Aku dah mmg selalu sgt pergi kesana, Makcik rohani mmg dah selalu pesan supaya aku pg ke sana.. Die ckp rindu..hehehe.. Actually aku pn dah mcm segan nak pg sana, dah dekat 3 tahun aku xpg sana. Erm, mayb aku yg terlalu busy dgn kehidupan aku.. AKu ade kehidupan ke?

Aku smpi kira kira2 dlm ptg. Mcm excite jugak r.. Dah lame xjupe wakleng, n aku pn nak dgr jugak cerita yg dier bwk dr UK.. hahaha, dier bru balik dr UK. Pg melawat abg zab yg bekerja kt sana. Waa, alakah bertuahnye ko Wak Leng. Lahir dlm keluarga yg agak berada. Aku tumpang gembira.Sebagai kwn lame, wakleng mcm memaharmi masalah aku. Aku mcm xbgitu happy. Asyik temernung je. Rokok plak mmg xlenkang dari tangan aku. Huh, actually dlm smggu ini aku mmg makin active menghisap rokok. dah menjadi tabiat aku, jika aku ade sesuatu masalah aku pasti akan mencari rokok. Sebatang hingga sebatang.Wak Leng mcm byk memberikan nasihat kepada aku..

Erm, nmpknye aku mmg xdpt nak meneruskn cerita aku. Aku sekarang tgh deman. Dari ari sabtu lagi. Batuk lak makin menjadi. Actually nak bukak mata pn dah mcm xbmaya. Tp mcm paksa diri utk bersahur.. Doctor suh aku jgn bpuasa arini tp aku mcm still nak beposa. Kepala aku tgh pening2. Mcm ade bjuta-juta jarum sedang mencucuk2 kepala aku. Sejuk nye.

p/s: i really miss her..pleaz come back to my life..shining mylife back..

Pening oh pening. Hehehe, itu saje yg dapat aku ucap sekarang ini.. yela keje bertimbun-timbun. Masalah lak xpernah lekang dari aku. Tp itu smua aku xkesah. Itu smua mmg dah lumrah bagi seorg pelajar seperti aku ini.Tp letih la..

Alhamdulillah,arini smua seperti biase.Aku masih lagi mampu untuk tersenyum, aku masih lagi mampu untu berpikir dengan waras. Hari ni pun aku byk ketawa, byk tersenyum. Terima kasih semua wahai rakan- rakan. Hujung minggu pun dah nak bermula.. Yela, esok kitorg mmg xde klas. Test smua pn dah abis. Yang last pagi takdi.Alhamdulillah apa yg aku bace smua nye masuk. Smua psl soalan spot.hehehe.. mmg dah jd trend bagi aku untuk “ mnganggap”@ spot soalan2 mane yg akan masuk sekarang ni. Xthu la kenapa, aku mmg selesa mcm tu sejak akhir2 ini. Maybe psl mase yg suntuk untk prepare dang mungkin aku dah menjadi semakin malas? Erm, seingat aku, aku dlu mmg ske klu untuk ulang kaji smua chapter ni.. erm.. pelik ni..kena ubah ni..hehehe

erm..adakah aku sudah sembuh dari kekecewaan?

No... YaAllah, rindunye aku kepadanye. Aku rindu dengan suaranye yg manis, Aku rindu dengan ngomelan dier setiap kali dier balik dari keje, Aku rindu dgn sms2 dier, Aku rindu dgn senyuman dier...What should i do? Am i suppose, let i go? or Am i suppose fight back to get her love?Arrr..Deep inside really wanna go n see her.wanna have some slow talk. wanna hear some truth. But i really scare. What if she decided, didn't want to see me. She run when she saw me. She mad at me when she saw me. She hates me when i go and see her..Macam mane ni?

Erm, i need to gain back my strength.Need to be strong likes before. I know that she didn't want me back in her life. The sign have be given to me from the started. But why?, why she didn't explain to me. Why she didn't tell me the truth? am i not allowed to know the truth? itu yg buat aku betol2 xphm.kenapa agaknye..dier ade masalah ke? dpt ke dier handle smua ni sorg2?

P/s: gonna meet my old friends this weekends..lame tol xlepak2 ngan dier..

the songs..the mean songs

kenangan terindah-samsons.mp3

Kenangan Terindah
by Samsons

aku yang lemah tanpamu
aku yang rentan karena
cinta yang tlah hilang darimu
yang mampu menyanjungku

selama mata terbuka
sampai jantung tak berdetak
selama itu pun
aku mampu tuk mengenangmu

darimu, kutemukan hidupku
bagiku, kau lah cinta sejati

bila yang tertulis untukku
adalah yang terbaik untukmu
kan kujadikan kau kenangan
yang terindah dalam hidupku
namun takkan mudah bagiku
meninggalkan jejak hidupku
yang telah terukir abadi
sebagai kenangan yang terindah

p/s: a song that totally suite with my feeling righ now..hahahaha..cheer up dauz.. its times for wake up..time for reborn..

Single?

arrr... hatiku aku macam nak pecah bila aku melihat perkataan single dihalaman friendster beliau..that mean i have lost him forever... YaAllah, kenape begitu besar dugaan yang ko berikan kepada aku ini... YaAllah, kepada Engkau aku berserah, kepada Engkau aku meminta.. Berikan la kekuatan kepada diri ku ini..Berikanlah kekuatan kepada aku untuk menempuh sisa-sisa idup ku ini..erm.. sick giler..am i weird?

Sesungguhnye, hampir menitis airmataku ini apabila aku melihat perkataan itu. Tak tahu kenape, tiba-tiba aku rase diriku ini telah dirompak, dicabuli dan dihina seteruk-teruknye.Seolah-olah beliau mahu mengumunkan kepada seluruh dunia," wahai kawan-kawan, aku sudah tidak berpunya, aku telah meninggalkn si dia, cepat-cepat2 dapatkn aku"..i know the day will come, but never thought it will come this fast.. Am i really2 means nothings to her?YaAllah... Tp aku xleh nak salahknnye...Ntah kenapa, diriku ini masih tegar untuk mepertahankan dirinya. Bagi aku, aku hanya mahu melihat yang terbaik untuknya..

erm, it be 6.30 am.. i thought that i will be ok for today.. yela setelah betjaya mengharungi hari yang panjang semalam. Ntah mengapa, i feel that, everyday have been a long day..seperti biase, selepas solat aku akan terus menghadap computer. melayari internet atau menyiapkan pape kerje yang tertangguh. Seperti biase, aku akan pergi ke halaman beliau. Aku mengaku, yag aku mmg xleh melupakannye.masih. tetapi aku cuba. Aku cuba untuk tidak duduk bersendirian, aku cuba untuk meyertai pape aktiviti yang dilakukan oleh rakan-rakan aku. Aku cuba untuk menyibukkn diri sendiri. Dengan harapan, the pain will go away.. For me, the worst part of the day is early in the morning.dimana aku akan selalu bersendirian. memikirkan mase depan.YaAllah, teguhkan iman aku ini..

Kami berpisah bukan kerana aku yang silap. Bukan aku sengaja yang menyebabkannnye.That all things make me really2 sads. " maaf, ibu xskekan abg..So ineed some times to be alone..to makes the decisions". That the reasons... YaAllah.. adakah aku ini insan yang begitu teruk..begitu hina... Dinilai dan dihina dari satu pandangan yang xsmpi 10 minit.. Adakah aku telah gagal menunjukkn keikhlasan yg datang dri lubuk hati aku ini.Ntah mengapa, hati aku ini begitu tidak dapat menerima semua itu..somethings are not right..

Pada mulanye, aku cuba untuk menilai balik diriku ini, aku cuba untuk menyakinkannye. Namun begitu aku gagal.. Nampaknye aku dah xde harapan.. she totally didn't want to save our relationship. At the moment, i am the bad side and she is good ones. Everythings that i try to said will be block. She will give an excuse.everythings i saids...Suddenly, i came to realize somethings. It look likes, she didnt want me anymore.She try to kick me from her entire life.. Is she have founds someone else? is she got a problem, a really big problem..is she just try to uses me before...Arrr... aku memang tidak dapat menerimanye.. aku mcm nak giler. Aku call kakak ku..try to ask advise..from a women that more wise than me..Than with soft voice she advise me"Dah, sabar..nampaknye die mmg btol2 xmahu dah dlm idup dier lagi. Sabar ek dik. Mungkin dier ade masalah dier sendiri. Mungkin dier keliru. Klu pape keputusan yg adik akan terima, terima dengan seadanye.Idup adik masih panjang.. masa depan yang cerah." once again, my tear wanna drops again but i still can stand it.Btol apa yang kakakku cakapkn tu. even thought will be couple, but there were a lot of things that i didn't know about her. She totally be keep many things from me.Bout her past. But actually i the reasons. Cause i the ones that never ask.. I the ones that always state," abg xkesah pasal yg lepas2..yang abang kesah hanya la mase depan"..hahaha.. yup, it maybe true.. but seriously my friends, u need to know.. Not for reject or judge someones.. But need it to prepare..to prevent somethings bad from happen..

Even that, i now what happen.. i can guess what are goings on.. i never mad at her.i try to be a gentleman.Aku akan terima segalanye. Aku akan doakn semoga dirinya akan selalu bahagia. Aku akan selalu menerima dirinya jika dirinya mahu kembali dan aku masih belum..
YaAllah..kenapa gadis yng secantik dier menyebabkan aku sensara serbagini..adakah aku ini yang terlalu bodoh?adakah aku ini yang terlalu buta? weird..

p/s: kenapa aku ini yang terlalu pra-sangka. maybe she try to tell me the truth.. me she need me, but i the stupid ones that decided to give the white flag? its still rounding around in my minds..yaAllah, i hope she will realize that she have a lose a wonderful guys.. someones that will guide and make her happy.

Erm...abis basah kuyup..

actually the rain have not stop falling from this morning till now. hehehe sometimes it makes me things.. Are its coincident or its the symbolic of my feeling right now. Look okay in the outside but totally bleeding and crushing in the inside..hehehe..i can fool others people but i cannot full about my feeling.

Last night, i cannot sleep at all. i try to closed my eyes but my mind..still thinking.. still flashback the old days..hehe..its been a really long nite. i try to find the best solution for my problem, but it all come to blank road. My head keep asking the same question. Why?why and why? why i deserve this things.. i never means bad things to her. It was unfair to me.the day before,when she said that she wanna be alone and give an unexpected reasons, my head just wanna to explode. Without thinking i just pack my cloth and went to see muriroh, my cousin. I borrow his car and start to drive to KL. But just once i past the kmph(a matriculation college situated at old road to KL), my minds come to thinks others things. Maybe she really have problem, maybe she really need to be alone. I stop the at side of the road. Calm my self. try to make sure. Am i doing the right things. Am ready to sacrifice my future by not going to the DFA test tomorrow, by searching an answer that i not really know that i will get. What i gonna said to her, when i seeing him? Am i gonna scold him? not, that not my style, i never treat women that rude.Do i know the road to her house? its this best way? i scream myself out.
then finally, i decide to turn around, try to give her some room.So i back grumbling around.back at my places, back to fight my own feeling..Arr..

But luckily i got many of good friends. They noticed me that i not really ok. They said that i just look likes someones that gonna do somethings stupids. someones that gonna kill someones. I really surprises when they said likes that. Than i realize, that i just to desperate, just follow my own feeling. So i decides to takes some wudhuk and then do the "solat sunat". It help a bit.it help me to reduces my temped.

Actually, from my young ages, i have bad temped problem. Its such a rebellious attitude. and i hate it. Cause of that attitude, i make many mistakes. Cause of that attitude, i nearly loses my future. Cause of that attitude, i never be the favorite student while in school. But that attitude just likes went away when i just reach the ages of 20, i start to thinks first before i do somethings, i start to closer my self to religions. I uses ask my mother, why i have that attitude? am i a bad person?
Calm she explain to me, " dah, dah bukan budak jahat, bukan budak xberdispilin, tp dah tlalu mengikut darah muda, dah. cuba la kawal. Cuba tenangkan diri dalam semua pekara". Then i realize others things. It have been in my bloodlines. I am the 4th generation of the warrior of daik people called wan komeng, whose have be famous with his bravery and his power. I got an ancestor that uses to kill hundred of people during war of kesultanan johor. I got an ancestor that have been kill by his enemy during a fight. A fight for claims who the powerful in the village. So, are the bad temped things flow into the bloodlines? Maybe.But it not an options for me for not reduce it. Alhamdulillah, it been a long times i didn't makes anythings stupids. Untill that day and luckily i realize it before too late.

hahaha.. actually i don't why, my hand just keep typing. i didn't follow the story. i try to tell everything, but keep hurting me back at the end. So, its ok if i just mixed story while i blogging. It help me release my stress..

the stress that been hunting me for a few day. that has make my life miserable.

p/s: my minds cannot stop thinking about her. is she ok? is she sick? is she ok right now? i thinks i still in love with her..

Sadness 1..

today is the sad day for me.. it officially.. we broke up..that what i thinks...

my life has became miserable..i know this we coming, but not this early.Not in the middle of my study.Right now, i truthfully understand what the feeling of the people that has been hurt in love.Its really pains.I cannot sleep, I cannot thinks well, I did not have any appetite for eat.rm, it really hard when it about heart.Heart is like the general of our body.If the general fail to gain power, so the effect it will course all the army to fully function.

Ok. Let we talk my love story. Last few month, i have meet such a beautiful girl. She got a beautiful eyes, beautiful smile and dimple on both of her cheeks. The name of that girl suit the owner of it.
For the starting, i the first one that said hello to him. hehehe actually, it quite a gamble move. hehe i never thought she will reply back to me. Hehe.. Starting that day, my life has change. i likes to chat with him. Actually we meet in the friendster.com. A web that we can make new friends. She be in my list friends about 2 years.But never have the strength to approve him.
Ok2.. Back to the story. We talk about many things, what are she up to right now, planning of life, what she likes. Both of us are going along well.
One day, during we chat. She act weird. She said that she not into a good mood. So asking why.I try to help him.After a few moment, she start to talk. She tell me that, her ex-boyfriends try approve her again. She didn't likes it. So as a gentleman, i try to comfort him. That what i good for. I likes to comfort others peoples. From the early ages, i got this weird attitude. I likes to hear others people problem. I likes to solve others people problem.hehe weird right?Actually. i know for a beautiful girl likes him, she must have some a relationship with others guys. It natural. I uses to google him through the friendster. Actually i uses to see she when out with the guys. But i never tell him. Let it be my secret.She uses to study at terengganu, not far from my house.
ok, back to the story. After that, she became more close to me. i give him advise, share somethings such as story, novel, songs and etc. I became falling to him, somethings that i cannot control or never be in my mind. I became addicted to him. Actually i am a complicated man. I always set in my minds that i will only fall in love in one person and that person will be my wife.but i never thought it will be this fast. i just 22. So, i try to positive, try to be more reality. Than she start to give hint to me. She keep telling me that if i go to KL. Came an visit him.She lives in Ampang, Kuala Lumpur. I still try to act cool. Act to be more mature.
After a few weeks,finally she got a jobs. A jobs at a famous bank. She the same age as me but she finish her degree early than me. She course only consist 3 years but for me. i have to complete 4 full year.( i taking engineering). At the moment. our relationship has change, i have to re-reschedule my life to get in touch with him. But somethings miracle happen for me at her 1st day work. i still remember, at 7. 45 p.m while i just on the way to go for eat. She called me.She waiting for her LRT. She quite scared, so she decide to call me. but we talk just a few minutes cause that time i were in a car.with my housemate. So its not a proper time for a long talk.I tell him that i busy that time and she understands. But my heart saids that not proper way to act to a girl. so i decide i will call her again when i reach the restaurants. And yes, i can her again. She has a nice voices. She likes to mix language during talk. i mean english and malay. For me that cool. That sounds educated. we talk about 15 minutes till her mother has arrive for pick her up. Our conversation ends at that time. It been a nice conversations.i still remember te feeling when i talk or hear her voices for the 1st time.cannot describe its.

erm, i thinks let me stop my story for this times. I need to stop thinkings about her right now. maybe if i have time, have a courage to write again. i will continuing my story. A story that has be change my life. i promise..

suck 1

erm..it be a tough day for me past this few day.. i didn't sleep much..i didn't eat..i even not properly function.. my head have totally disturbed.. i didn't study for the test tonight..so i decided to update my blog.

my life is suck.. my girlfriend didn't likes me.. i thinks so.. i totally useless..

am i that suck? my gf parents didn't likes me..why? am i to negative or to naive..its that a true reason? or there were another things..

kenape aku di layan macam ni? kenapa? i never this down.. i never felt this sad.. i never felt to desperate.. the true is..i never fall in love before.. and i never have this feeling as i feel to my gf..why?